Oct222006

Current Truths

Well as I preach here, even though I’m way behind with everybody else, I’m taking care of and talking about me first.

There have been no big changes, I’m still strength training regularly, harder than I ever have before and having a lot of mixed feelings about what it’s causing in my body. I’m clearly gaining muscle that I can see and feel, and the tough thing about that is that firmer, more developed muscles (such as my upper arms, shoulders and even my butt) are making me feel BIGGER and that messes with my brain and the inner “system” I’ve slowly developed for staying calm about my body. I’m okay, but it’s taking a little more effort to BE that way, if that makes any sense.

Thanks to a “hey is everything okay?” e-mail from my own mentor, with whom I am shamelessly out of touch, I realize I have stopped walking (with me right now SOMETHING is always having to give, time-wise) and I miss very much the regular emotional release that afforded me. I’m starting to reconsider what I have given up in order to get the strength training back in. Is this another piece of the neverending addict’s all-or-nothing struggle within me?

I had two restaurant meals last week which almost always cause a spike, and now that my base weight seems to be more like 143 (due to the increased muscle), I am going momentarily a little crazy when I spike to 145, which has happened twice now. This also puts me in “damage control mode” that is – to be ultra-careful, especially with portions and calories, until the effects of those meals are gone, and that, in turn, is a just a whisper away from the old dance of “oh go ahead and have a blowout now, you can fix the damage later.” And THAT is the first verse in the dance song entitled “Oh what the hell, I might as well.” I do not like damage control mode and I think it is a dangerous mode to get into. It’s THE addict’s circular pattern of another turn on the succeed-fail lifecycle. Still, so far in my journey, a subtle little bit of damage control has to be part of how this works in the real world I live in.

My daily life is still a little more full than I’d like but that’s the way it has to be for now. I was supposed to have had a week “off” while my father visited his ladyfriend 100 miles away, but he called and demanded to come home 3 days early, and there went the quiet, peaceful weekend I’d been looking forward to. I am understanding, finally, that he is generally (if understandably) frustrated and unhappy with the limits aging has put on him, and this causes him to quickly want to get away from wherever it is he happens to be at any given moment.

I spent this morning getting my food planned and prepared for next week, that still feels good. Later this week I’ll pass into the 7 years at goal mark. These days it seems longer than that, lol.

Now my current truths are on the table, everybody else follow suit please! I will catch up here as best I can in the coming days.

Adele (144 this morning)

Sep282006

Not Another Learning Experience

An update on my weight/food/life journey…well wow. In some ways nothing is new, but in other ways nothing is the same. As the saying goes, change is inevitable, growth is optional. Subtitle I saw on the internet: “Oh no, not another learning experience.”

A new school year always brings a few fresh faces into what I would call an unusually tight-knit staff and work environment. This year there’s a bigger a job-change in my own part of that, the sharing of my job (which was requested by me), which has me facing some, um, growth opportunities as well. Juggling into this my renewed recommitment to better, more consistent strength training (which waned over the last year when my father moved here and my old gym closed) has been another interesting factor, one that is bringing a challenge that should have been predictable, one I’ve faced and abided before, but one I find I am nevertheless daunted and frustrated by. There are still some heavy time demands and emotional challenges I’m facing both with my aging father and the life-launching struggles of one of our (grown) children. These two challenges especially, also have an impact on my home-marriage life. Another change is that my only sibling, my sister, is in the process of moving to town, this has been an almost exclusively positive change, an exciting one too, as she is building a beautiful home and even though I’m a little jealous (I have “pantry envy”!), it’s been fun to watch. Having her here will help a lot with our father, but as a change (we haven’t lived in the same city for 25 years) it is still a bit of a challenge.

It is also becoming just a little tricky and uncomfortable for me to write about some things here because there are now some people in my personal/school life who know about and at least occasionally visit this site. It brings another dimension and challenge to discussing all this, as it would not be okay with me if, for instance, they (understandably) felt compelled to post “their own side” of any experiences I might relate here (just as it wouldn’t be okay for any of YOUR friends/family to comment about your journey here either). It’s not that they don’t or can’t have interesting or meaningful input, it’s that I’m not here to work things out with THEM, I know I can and will do that elsewhere. I’m here only to work things out within ME, the part of me that is a food addict and as such has to (over?)process things a little differently.

At my job, each year some of our newer staff members notice and eventually comment on the unusualness of my food/eating. It can be anything from “wow, that smells so good, what is that?” and “you always bring such healthy lunches” to “ugh, what is that smell?” (usually plain unheated cooked cabbage or broccoli). One challenge I haven’t faced in a while is what I would describe (although perhaps the speaker would not) as a slightly-uncomfortable, nervous “oh you are SO funny” comment several times, when food discussion comes up, along with many questions about what I eat (but never why, at least not so far). ONE of these exchanges had me discussing (defending?)—then, surprisingly, craving—apples for several days.

The strength training fits in here in that I am gaining muscle (my bodyfat percentage has gone down 5% I learned yesterday) and although I’ve also lost some fat, the number on the scale is gradually going up, so is my appetite. As someone who has learned to run on a kind of auto-pilot with hunger and life management, this is a change that has rattled me a bit. I just sort of know (from experience in honing out the details of my now auto-pilot plan) that I need some more carbs (ketosis is too heavy) and more calories, and I am trying to carefully experiment with that, but both time limitations and habit have made that a little challenging too, I’m guessing it’s baby-stepping out of that quiet habit-comfort zone eating place that has me a bit rattled. That plus just being hungrier than I am used to being.

I WANTED to test fruit, and apples especially after that exchange I just mentioned when she was chomping on what sure looked like a really sweet, glistening, crunchy apple! That old “I SHOULD be able to eat apples, they’re a natural, healthy, even paleo-correct food, I know I need to increase my carbs, I SHOULD go ahead and test apples, yeah maybe apples would help me now” thinking pattern returned. But I have been on this journey long enough now to be absolutely, positively sure that, sigh, fruit is the last thing I need, fruit brings cravings back every single time—this time even seeing and talking about apples helped bring the cravings back. I have tested fruits plenty, I have never gotten any result except my body can’t do fruit without dissolving into wanting almost nothing BUT fruit. Fair or right, I am positive that much is true so, sigh again, I abided and the cravings passed.

Instead I have been experimenting with eating a small amount (½ cup) of baked yam when I’m starving and need more carbs. I’ve had 3 now in the last 3 weeks, one day recently I put it on Fitday and it helped balance the pie-chart in a more-carbs direction. I like yams fine, but I don’t dissolve or think about when is the next time I can have one, I don’t eventually come undone. I also keep thinking I should try eating some cooked carrots with dinner, but so far I haven’t gotten around to that, I already eat carrots almost daily as a snack and in at least one salad daily. So that’s the eating change/challenge.

The emotional part of this which I will just keep abiding is that my weight is creeping up, I’m bouncing between 143-144 these days, don’t think I’ve seen 142 since one or two times last week. According to the trainer I’ve only put on one pound from the first day (I know I probably did lose some weight/muscle when I fell and was laid up for about 6 weeks, my weight dropped briefly into the 130’s then), and again, the bodyfat has dropped, so that’s good. Anyway, I’ve talked this extreme/excessive fear of mine over with him, I’m discussing it here and deciding to abide. I know I look and feel better. I just signed up for more sessions with him through November, I have also learned through this that having an appointment for me right now is a powerful motivator, I am learning that right now I have more valid excuses than anyone I know to NOT go to the gym. So I go and pay someone to MAKE me do it and do it RIGHT. It feels very worth it.

The father stuff and the son stuff is just the stuff of life, the job stuff probably is too. It IS nice having more time off, even if I do spend 75% of it with my father, it is much less stressful than it was last year, even if at first it’s a little more work explaining what, why and how I do things at my job then trusting someone else do it (right). I can definitely feel some of my perfectionist and control issues coming to the fore. I have a little too much of myself and my self-worth invested in that job that I’m having to let go of. She’s even had some good suggestions for changes, a good example of a fresh perspective coming in. Even if she does eat apples. (wink)

Adele (143 this morning)

Aug232006

Making Choices

This is a busy time of year for school office personnel, I haven’t had much extra time in the last week or so.

I did want to post here that I had my annual staff party/gathering at my house Monday evening, one occasion (out of four yearly) where I normally have one martini. Earlier this year for several reasons I decided I’d like to forgo alcohol for the time being for several reasons. One is that I’ve noticed that I can’t lift weights worth squat for 3-5 days after having alcohol. Another is that I have a noticeable increase in both the number and intensity of hot flashes for a few days afterwards, and I also seem prone to night leg cramps for about the same amount of time.

Anyway, thanks at least in part to making myself accountable here, especially in relating to Eileen’s thread, as well as an earlier board discussion with Sherry I declined my “allowed” drink at that party. I had an appointment for personal training the next day (yesterday) and was especially glad then that I hadn’t changed my mind.

I notice most others here have been quiet too, hope you’ll all be updating your threads soon.

Adele (141 this morning)

Aug202006

Working Out

Time for an update on me.

I’ve been back weight training for several weeks now with a serious personal trainer named James, who I concurrently adore and detest—I’m pretty sure that’s what a healthy relationship with a personal trainer is supposed to look like—and I am so happy about that. He’s a muscled young hunk, and interestingly to me he’s totally into paleo nutrition, not the least bit afraid of (good) fats, and even a little interested in what I do here. He took a look at this website and said Connie is a fox, lol.

In the bigger picture of my life and my journey, I can see that after 4-5 years at goal and getting as clear as spring water about the diet and the bottom-line role it plays in the way I AM now, I still have some journeying to do with how exercise fits into my life. I have never totally let go of it, but as my life in the sandwich generation has unfolded in food sobriety/abstinence mode, things have come up, especially a couple of relatively minor injuries, that have had the unintended consequence of showing me that I don’t HAVE to exercise every day to maintain my weight, or even emotional clarity, over time. Nevertheless, going very long without it, even though it doesn’t cause my weight to fluctuate much (especially since I am now 2 years post-menopausal), and even though my body doesn’t CRAVE good exercise—it’s NOT an addiction, believe me, I can quit anytime, lol—my body adores good exercise. And when my body is happy, well I am just so much better off than merely sober and emotionally anchored.

I am in a rut with food, happily. (See Don’t You Ever Get Into a Rut with Food?.) But I knew inside that I had also gotten into a rut with exercise (hey food ruts work for me, why shouldn’t the same work with exercise?) Well, I was given the unusual and ultimately “lucky” opportunity to change that last spring when the gym I had been going to for 6 years abruptly closed for at least 6 months to undergo a total remodel, and I had to change my exercise place or quit exercising. Not a pleasant thing for the creature of exercise habit I had become.

Well, new gym = fresh start opportunity for me. James is working hard to help me change that big-time. He is coaching/leading me about exercise much like I try to coach others about the diet and the important foundation it will provide for a saner life. It’s interesting being the coachee, it helps me understand a lot about how I irritate people sometimes, in what I believe is ultimately their better interests.

I sense that I’ve already put on a pound or two of muscle, that’s a minor frustration when working with my former nemesis, the scale. I still haven’t completely shed the old high-school Miss America notion that I SHOULD weigh in the 120’s or low 130’s, and this isn’t gonna help that. But I have plans to see Connie next week, and we’ll get some new pictures (the one of me on my page is now almost 2 years old) and hopefully I’ll see I’m still okay, even if I’m grandma material age-wise.

Adele (139 this morning)

Aug182006

Staying Stable During Times of Commotion

Thanks for updating everyone!

My update is that I’ve been BUSY! It always is this time of year. My work (as the office manager of a preschool) is heating up, I’m spending a lot of time there, right now at least I can do that on whatever schedule works for me, but that will change in a few more weeks when the classes actually begin. The good news then is that I will be cutting back to only working two and a half days per week, this year I will have a half-time assistant who will be working the other 2 and a half.

I’m still spending 3-4 hours a day with my father. He gets cabin-fever and needs to get out of his retirement community most every day for a few hours. I’m the designated driver for those regular sojourns.

My father is a retired industrial engineer, albeit a nearly blind one now, and one of our regular activities is going over and “inspecting” my sister’s homebuilding project—right up his alley! And he’s even caught a couple of problems, which makes him feel helpful and valued. Another fun activity my dad and I have figured out is that I can drop him off at a giant hardware store, like Home Depot or Lowes, which he loves to just poke around in, with my DH’s cell phone in his pocket. We’ve figured out that he can see JUST enough to hit the green (call) button twice, and that will dial my cell phone, so I can be at the grocery store or Target nearby and go pick him up when he’s had enough poking around.

One difficulty of trying to do my grocery shopping WITH my father along is that he constantly makes comments about how much of everything I buy (and eat!) The same thing goes for how much and what all I cook. He is here often and it’s hard for me to cook 3 pounds of pork side, as I do about once every 3 weeks, without him exclaiming over and over how much meat (and FAT) that is, and am I REALLY going to eat it all, exactly WHAT is it again?, and why don’t I eat regular bacon? I find I am now trying to cook when he’s not around. This morning already I’ve cooked and frozen six chicken breasts and six thighs.

We’re still having regular overnight visitors, as the home-builders come to inspect, meet, plan, etc. In some ways we enjoy that, and any help with dad is welcome, but to addicted-me and my non-negotiable eating requirements, guests also bring some commotion. What the long and varied experience of this leading-with-the-diet journey has given me, thank goodness, are the skills to manage this along with the now very long view that absolutely everything in life—terrific or terrible—will pass eventually, and that I can come through all of it either okay or not, that’s still totally up to me and the choices I continue to make. Every day, often just by habit now (doesn’t really matter why), I choose “stay centered” in that one tiny little area of my life where yes, it would be easier to cut loose and waggle a bit. Instead I continue to pay it forward for myself each day, and I continue to be glad I decided to do that. I love being strong and centered about food now, I’m in charge of it instead of it being in charge of me—even when it’s awkward or, in the case of my father’s constant questioning and testing—it’s irritating.

I’m still weightlifting strenuously for an hour with trainer-James twice a week and for the first time in my life I am able to do four (up from just one last week) REAL push-ups, and fifteen GIRLY ones!! I’ve been especially careful with my eating all summer (I tend to overeat, especially protein, just enough to put on about a pound a month if I’m not careful). My weight is up about 2 pounds now, but I am positive it’s new muscle. That’s a little hard to see day after day, but I am abiding, liking the new strength and firm muscles, and also liking that I’ve got the strength training routine back in my life in a structured but not insane way. Twice a week is working really well, and having an appointment with a trainer to do that has been VERY helpful in seeing that I get that done.

This site turns one year old tomorrow, I’m proud of that. Thank you Connie for giving me the time that you didn’t have (and the computer/internet expertise that you did) to make it happen. I would like to be able to get here more, I know I still need the regular self-exploration and some kind of public accountability. In some surprising senses though, I’m coming to see that a “less is more” approach is working better in at least some instances for illustrating for each other how we are managing and growing through this life-change to abstinent living in a culture that doesn’t really view food as a drug.

One babystep toward getting even more accountable and, perhaps, a lot less afraid of what anybody else might think about me and my views, today I’ve added my last name to the essays and articles I’ve written and included here. Another step out of the cave, I’d venture to say.

Adele (142 this morning)